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Revamping My Life?Why is it I never know what I want. I think i do, but I always end up changing my mind. I cant just be happy. I'm not depressed, I'm just content. Content is never enough and I want pure elation. Elation may only be found in fairy tails. Here's the thing. For the last maybe 10 years I have known I wanted to be a marine biologist. I thought that is the end all be all of careers and I haven't strayed from that until now. Now, I have no idea. If I become a marine biologist I feel ike I might just be content, and from watching others who are just content with their jobs, I don't want that. I want to love everyday of my job. I'm so interested in fashion and oddly celebrity whatever. I feel like for the last 10 years I have had school and cheer or just school to think about. Now that I have more time, I have become interested in so many different things. I just want to be able to try things and see if I will like them, but in my house that isn't an option. I need to know what I want and be working toward that. I know this, and it isn't because my parents don't want me to be happy, they just don't have the money to support my indecisiveness. I haven't even told them that I'm thinking of changing my major and maybe even switching colleges. My dad would support me through anything, I mean he drove and hour and a half to help me change a tire, but my mom... She wants me to go into something practical where i can make money and be successful and she won't have to worry. I don't want her to worry, I just want to be creative. After years of having at least 2 science courses each year I'm bored with it and honestly it doesn't really interest me. I just did it because of my love for the ocean and the beauty of fish. I recently decided I wanted to work warped over the summer, and even though I know I have zero experience, I have spent more time researching ways to get to help out with warped, than I spent the entire time I was looking for colleges that had a marine biology program. I haven't even started looking for internships at aquariums or what not. I'm not as driven to do those things as I am to ask what an internship in event planning entails and what I would need to get the internship. I want everything else more than I want what I have always wanted. I don't know if that makes sense. I just know how I feel. I wish I was amazing at one thing. It would make things so much easier. Everyone thinks I'm lucky because I'm good at everything I do, but it sucks. I want to have one skill that will help me stand out amongst the rest. I hate being part of the crowd. Maybe I should just talk about myself for the rest of my life, I seem to be pretty good at that. This us just me venting my thoughts. If anyone happens to read this, I'd love input.
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